I won't try and answer that.
I will start from now.
We are in Florida.
Tomorrow, we (Nicole and I) are being 'deposed' in a case we brought against a school where Dylan was a student for a few months. On March 2nd, 2016 she fell and broke her elbow.
I can't quite believe where we are. I am making more money annually than I ever expected, helping a great company be successful, and in some ways professionally doubting myself less than I have ever before. I get along with co-workers. I am valued and good at my job. I believe in what we are doing. And I am not even 1% involved in music professionally any more. In fact, I could say I officially retired. Music is now a hobby. A fun one. One I am pretty good at. I love it.
I want to kick off a culture experiment. Inspired by the book Culturematic, and discussions with Sam Ford, I want to make culture. I want to make culture in order to be involved in culture again. It is not enough for me to consume culture. It doesn't satisfy anymore. For the first time ever, I am thinking not of making art, but of making noise. Meaning, being heard as the primary focus rather than being pure/good/brilliant/complex/deep.
Maybe it is because I feel like I am not being seen. I was always so comfortable being seen as a "musical potential". Meaning, my visible personality was not about being successful, but about trying to be. In fact, often as I got close to any kind of success, I would abandon and change direction, so I could continue to live in the pursuit, without needing to embrace any true state. I want to do something which starts and exists as a success. That in its own existence is happening. You know, kind of like this blog.
I am thinking, for one, I can continue this blog. Daily. Will be fun.
I am also thinking, I would love to get rid of this gut once and for all. So, I will work out 4 days a week starting tomorrow. I'll weigh myself and measure my gut to get started. Let's see where it goes.
And I will work towards a musical culture contribution. I know I can do something. Maybe write a song a day. Or a tune a day. Or write a song a day based on a headline from the news. That could be a good one. Could also analyze a song every day. I am sure that would take only a few minutes. But that doesn't ring true. I want to create more I believe. But creating takes time. As usual, I am unable to commit musically. I think it is because of 2 things:
ONE: Time! It takes so much time to get music right. I could write a song a day improvised, recorded. But to produce it, I would need 2-3 hours minimum. I would have to improvise. And what is that adding. Maybe I need to make it a very short song. 30 seconds. Follwed by once a month, a longer improvised piece summing up the month.
What is reason TWO? The solitude. I would have to shut out my daughter, wife, others. It is funny, that is in some ways so easy and natural to me. In other ways, I am terrified that I will shut people out and they will disappear. I've got it. All music I create must be made out loud. Recorded no matter what is happening. Agnostic to the area around. For instance, I could record with the TV on. With Dylan playing legos. And what ever happens is part of the music. Maybe I could Dylan or others who are around to record the headline, so I am not the only voice.
Where will the headlines come from? NY Times? Seems natural to me. But is it helpful to culture to have NY Times headlines spoken and music-fied?
I am interested in the intersection of dry text and music. So that makes sense. And, this is an intrestting time to monitor free-speech and freedom of the press. Maybe after a year I will be able to look back and have insight into how headlines have changed. Or is it trite? What is the music bringing value to? Only that I enjoy it? Why not just read the headlines? What is music adding?
I think I need to answer that question. As is, I will start with the daily blog and 4-day a week workout. Let's see how I can build from that.
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