I say that with a smile...
Does give me some more respect for what he accomplished. I sometimes wish he had written more concert music, maybe another opera, more solo piano works, like Schubert or Mozart had done by his age. But wow, did he accomplish a lot in 38 years.
We are in Wellfleet, our annual Salisbury Beach to Cape Cod summer vacation. I know that age is just a number, but it is on my mind a lot right now. I'm not sure where we are going to be living. We are basically stationed at Nana's place in Niagara Falls for the time being. I still am expected back in Phoenix in August to teach two classes at Phoenix College (Theory and Aural Perception) and one at Paradise Valley Community College (Jazz History), but right now I could not afford to go back there without any other work. Our stuff is in storage and we have no apartment to move in to. Nicole has no work there, and Dylan should hopefully be starting if not pre-school, at least some day care activity to get her around kids more (luckily she seems great around them at parks and everything, but she loves it so much I want her to have more time with other kids.). I am waiting to hear from most likely my last chance at a full-time teaching position for the fall, at Penn State Erie. I interviewed there two weeks ago, and although I think that I am over qualified for the position and felt so positive after the interview, I know that there is a good chance they have someone else who is a better fit, for whatever reason.
It is difficult. But it is funny, I look back at the first post in this blog, as we were getting ready to leave New York, and I seem so optimistic and excited, that I can't help but be completely fulfilled and happy that we are where we are, as tenuous and untenable as it may be (I'm not even going to mention our finances, a complete disaster, but hey, its just money!). I know I am happy, and so proud of what I accomplished. I kind of wish I had done this years ago, so I would be ahead of where I am now, able to spend a couple of years building teaching experience, getting performances, perhaps living in NYC as a composer working with more classically trained musicians. But then I would have to give back all of the years I spent working towards this moment, and I wouldn't trade those for the world, let alone perhaps not meeting Nicole and never having Dylan.
But I am definitely scared, unsure. I know I might not get this Erie job. And if I don't, I am truly willing to do anything. I'll work in a kitchen. I'll stack boxes. I'll write grants for an organization, technical manuals. I'll keep working towards publication, getting my pieces performed (in particular the piano concerto). But what I really want to do is be involved with music. Right now I am not. But I know I will be. And that feels good.
I don't know how old is too old to do certain things. My dad always said you're never too old to learn something new. I'm learning every day.
I'm sure I will look back at this day in a year and laugh, because everything will work out.
Until then, we are having an amazing trip.
