Taking The Veil

It is amazing, I have been home all week and yet have had no time or brain power to write anything of substance on this blog. I guess the transition to fatherhood is a little more personal and substantial than I thought. However, I decided I can take some time this morning to put down some thoughts:

1. poop
2. pee
3. dribble
4. poop
5. dribble
6. swaddle
7. un-swaddle
8. laundry
9. continue pattern to #113

Baby seems to be doing great. Nicole is healing as well. We had a scare the other evening, Nicole was unable to catch her breath after moving around, and had to clear her throat but it was too painful. She was hyperventilating and we thought maybe choking. With Dylan screaming in the background (I think she could feel our fear in the air) I called 911 (after calling my father for some instant advice). My first 911 call ever, and hopefuilly my last. Not fun. Although the 911 lady was very nice, asked about the screaming baby, whether it was a screaming girl baby or screaming guy baby. The small talk was nice, but she had no idea what to do about Nicole, so we were hoping that the ambulance would get there soon or her breathing would clear up. After a few harrowing minutes, Nicole was able to calm down completely and crisis was averted. The EMTs showed up, but we decided not to go (back) to the hospital, and take our chances that it wouldn't happen again before the morning. It didn't. Phew.

Turns out Nicole had secretion in her lungs, which can happen, and she is just going to have to fight the pain of coughing it up if it happens again. Won't kill her, but will hurt. Whats new, I feel like that is the story of her life the past few months. We are both anxious for the time when she can get back on her feet and back to pre-pregnancy Nicole. I can hardly remember...

So, becoming a father is really not like "taking the veil" (the title of this post), however there is definitely something trans-formative and serene about it. I don't feel like I all of a sudden have great wisdom to impart, or inventive disciplinary ideas, but I do feel that no matter what happens I know that I will be putting our little girl first, and that is comforting. I at LEAST have full trust that Nicole and I have her interests first, even if no one else in this entire world does. It is scary enough thinking about the amount of people fighting for resources in this world, but comforting to know that Dylan has 2 strong people fighting for her. And in the grand scheme of things, that is what matters. And my final thought on the matter is that is that as we grow older and the continuum of parentage infuses us with the spirit to ..um....shoot, my mind is back to poop and pee and eat and swaddle and dribble and whimper and.........

A nun takes the veil

I have desired to go
Where springs not fail,
To fields where flies no sharp and sided hail
And a few lilies blow.

And I have asked to be
Where no storms come,
Where the green swell is in the havens dumb,
And out of the swing of the sea.

Heaven-Haven
Gerard Manley Hopkins